Top Human League Leader Caught With Mutant

(LOS ALAMOS, DEADFALL)- In a Wasteland News exclusive, A senior official with the conservative Human League is in hot water today after being seen traveling with a female mutant companion.

Trey Shawn of the Human League (File Photo)

The Human League, known for its hard-line stance against mutants, has been aggressively campaigning in Deadfall the past two weeks.  Bloody clashes between the Human League militia and mutants are a common sight in the wasteland.  However, Trey Shawn a senior official in the human league was seen passing though Haietta with a mutant female.  The news has been prompting speculation from many in the wasteland.

Shorts, a Light Bearer mutant told WLN, “Come on, everyone knows mutants do it better.  Mr. Shawn just has a case of Mutant Fever and needed to get his gamma off.  Even [Human] Leaguers can’t resist it” Mr. Shorts flexes and kisses his bicep.

Others have been more outspoken.

“It just goes to show you that even the patriots trying to keep us humans safe from that race of mutated beasts are as corrupt as the things they are fighting. We aren’t rebuilding the world, it is just going to be overrun by mutants and dogs….if the mutants don’t eat them,” said Pheneris, an outspoken human.

Raqel the Mutant. (File Photo)

Raqel, the mutant seen traveling with Mr. Trey, only gave WLN a brief statement, “Listen, what he paid for what he got.  All I gotta say is that even Hawtsauce was better than he was. And that isn’t a compliment.”

This is not the only documented scandal of leaders of hard-line conservative groups in the wasteland.  Just late last year one of the top clergy for the Clerics of Gates (CoG) was ousted for sexual abuse claims by the cult.

Mr. Trey released a statement to WLN about the incident:

I sincerely apologize to all my constituents I have failed.  I admit I was traveling across the wastes with a mutant.  But she is not a companion.  She is traveling with me to carry all my scavenging loot.  I didn’t want to inconvenience my horse so I made the mutant whore carry all my scrap steel.  I am still one hundred percent faithful to the cause.  I am sorry.

The Human League has placed Mr. Trey on administrative leave pending an investigation of the “mutant fucking” claims.

-Justice Mendoza

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Published in: on 2010/05/17 at 1:41 am  Leave a Comment  
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Sex Scandal Rocks Foundations of Cult

(NEW EMBRY, PLATEU)-  Allegations of sexual misconduct by a high ranking member of the Clerics of Gates (CoG) have rocked the foundations of the techno-religious cult.

The accusations of sexual abuse are directed at CoG Headmaster Sherigian, one of the highest ranking members of the cult.  Sherigan is accused of using his high authority in the cult to take advantage of personnel and relics of the cult.

File Photo: The CoG Relic

File Photo: The CoG Relic

The CoG are known for worshiping a pre-fall arithmetic calculation device.  Such pre-fall technologies in pristine condition are a rare find in the wasteland, although Techs have successfully replicated such devices.

“Those tech devices may be able to do math, but they have not the power to speak unto us,” said a CoG worshiper

According to CoG members interviewed by WLN, Headmaster Sherigan would start his sermon by using his powers to invert the calculator and have it say “Hello” to the worshipers. Such a feat could not be explained by Tech scientists and Light Bearer priests when questioned by WLN.

The CoG Relic Artist's Rendition

The CoG Relic (Artist's Rendition)

The allegations of sexual abuse come after a CoG priestess entered Headmaster Sherigan’s chambers.  The priestess found the Headmaster wearing a devilish grin with the inverted calculator relic in his hand.  According to the priestess, who wishes to remain anonymous,  Headmaster Sherigan used  his divine powers over the relic to have it tell him “BOOBS”, “BOOBIES”, “LESBOS” and “ASS” (CoG experts said “ASS” may have been false).

When the Headmaster was confronted by the priestess, he allegedly told her that he has the power of the relic so why not use it to please him?  When she threatened to go to the public, he used his powers over the relic telling the priestess that she was “BOOBLESS”, “LOOSE” and called her a  “LESBO”.  This fear and mental trauma caused the priestess to remain quiet for some time.

After a few days she went public with the story, many members of the CoG called for Headmaster Sherigan’s resignation.  Mass outrage against the corrupt clergy has spread across all the CoG’s temples.

“I can’t believe our religious leaders would take advantage of our trust like that!” said a CoG worshipper to WLN

“Soon you will probably have our religious leaders embezzling donations and taking advantage of our children when we leave them when we are out scavenging technology,” Said a concerned CoG mother.

Cult expert Dark Pony of the Vista Enrichment Foundation said that the CoG may have a hard time recovering from this scandal.

“The CoG were already weakening due to the mass incidents of LifeNet clones Indiscriminately killing CoG worshippers while claiming they were working for other residents of nearby towns,” said Dark Pony.

Headmaster Sherigan stands by his innocence and said he would not resign his position but the CoG high council is hearing his case early next week.

-Rufio Mendoza

Published in: on 2009/10/17 at 6:55 pm  Comments (3)  
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