Top Human League Leader Caught With Mutant

(LOS ALAMOS, DEADFALL)- In a Wasteland News exclusive, A senior official with the conservative Human League is in hot water today after being seen traveling with a female mutant companion.

Trey Shawn of the Human League (File Photo)

The Human League, known for its hard-line stance against mutants, has been aggressively campaigning in Deadfall the past two weeks.  Bloody clashes between the Human League militia and mutants are a common sight in the wasteland.  However, Trey Shawn a senior official in the human league was seen passing though Haietta with a mutant female.  The news has been prompting speculation from many in the wasteland.

Shorts, a Light Bearer mutant told WLN, “Come on, everyone knows mutants do it better.  Mr. Shawn just has a case of Mutant Fever and needed to get his gamma off.  Even [Human] Leaguers can’t resist it” Mr. Shorts flexes and kisses his bicep.

Others have been more outspoken.

“It just goes to show you that even the patriots trying to keep us humans safe from that race of mutated beasts are as corrupt as the things they are fighting. We aren’t rebuilding the world, it is just going to be overrun by mutants and dogs….if the mutants don’t eat them,” said Pheneris, an outspoken human.

Raqel the Mutant. (File Photo)

Raqel, the mutant seen traveling with Mr. Trey, only gave WLN a brief statement, “Listen, what he paid for what he got.  All I gotta say is that even Hawtsauce was better than he was. And that isn’t a compliment.”

This is not the only documented scandal of leaders of hard-line conservative groups in the wasteland.  Just late last year one of the top clergy for the Clerics of Gates (CoG) was ousted for sexual abuse claims by the cult.

Mr. Trey released a statement to WLN about the incident:

I sincerely apologize to all my constituents I have failed.  I admit I was traveling across the wastes with a mutant.  But she is not a companion.  She is traveling with me to carry all my scavenging loot.  I didn’t want to inconvenience my horse so I made the mutant whore carry all my scrap steel.  I am still one hundred percent faithful to the cause.  I am sorry.

The Human League has placed Mr. Trey on administrative leave pending an investigation of the “mutant fucking” claims.

-Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/17 at 1:41 am  Leave a Comment  
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Epic Blood Sport Battle Finished. Mushrooms win.

(TRADERS FLAT, KAIBAB FOREST)-  The stage was set for an epic battle vs a V8 Interceptor and Concrete Mushrooms today.  The battle was an upset with the mushrooms stopping the interceptor cold in it’s tracks within the first 5 seconds of this fight.

Record KO

We are sad to report the Interceptor was pronounced totaled at the scene.

– Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/07 at 10:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

BANKERS Confirm First Blood Sports Battle Lineup

(TRADERS FLAT, KAIBAB FOREST)-  The Bankers will unveil their new “Blood Sports” on Friday with a fight that is gathering more attention than the prize fighting sport itself.

“Our goal was to kick off the start of the Blood Sports season with a fight that would go down in history,” Banker President Sandoval told WLN.  “We worked for months on putting this fight together and we finally are announcing that the first battle in Blood Sports history will be Concrete Mushrooms vs. a V8 Interceptor Speedster.”

Mushroom vs. Interceptor

The rivalry between V8 Interceptors and Concrete Mushrooms started once the immobile fungi appeared late last year in the Kaibab Forest.  Many Interceptors were totaled when driving full speed into these patches of mushrooms.  Drivers were unaware of the new dangers.  Other mushroom species let any vehicle or mount pass over. This new breed of fungi, solid as steel, would halt the vehicles in their tracks and cause untold damage and injury.

Arianna Flint, head of the Vista Enrichment Foundation, supports this fight.

“Normally I would be against such a slap to the face of Mother Nature and call the Bankers whores to the Tech agenda.  But seriously, fuck those mushrooms.  Even my horse got hurt by running into those mushrooms.  What the hell are those things made of?” said Mrs. Flint.

People from all factions around the wasteland are rooting for the Interceptor.

“Those damn mushroomed wrecked my car and I was almost late to my GrahamsList ‘casual encounter’,” said Edbert, a wasteland wanderer. “Those fungi almost put our alliance in jeopardy.”

A team of Tech master engineers, funded by massive donations, have been working around the clock preparing the Interceptor to fight the mushrooms on Friday.  Bull Dog, the head of the team was enthusiastic about the fight.

“What we have learned in our studies is a normal Interceptor suffers a catastrophic structural failure along with a 68-70% systems failure about .24 seconds after impact,” noted Mr. Dog. ”We are still working on why the Interceptor fails but we are theorizing that this happens because the mushroom is “harder” than the interceptor.  Our findings are not final yet. “

“So far we have used an ancient device called ‘duct tape’ to reinforce the bow of the Interceptor.  We have also attached flame stickers on the sides of the car for increased velocity” said The Sack, another engineer. “We are 120% confident the Interceptor will dominate this battle.”

The Bankers report to WLN that the wagers are coming in record numbers. Support is overwhelmingly in favor of the Interceptor winning in the second round.  The Bankers are not releasing the chip figures but wasteland economists speculate the Bankers have received between 50-60 Yellow chips.

“I wish we would have gotten into this prize fighting game earlier. Sure beats the hell out of those slot machines,” remarked President Sandoval.

We here at Wasteland News will cover the results of the fight Friday.

-Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/05 at 1:47 am  Leave a Comment  
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Breaking News: First Argument in Wasteland Does Not End in Gunfire

(Traders Flat, Kaibab Forest)- Citizens of Traders Flat were awoken to the sounds of a heated argument near the message bulletin board near the bank earlier this morning.  Such arguments are commonplace for the citizens of Traders Flat.  However today’s quarrel was unique as in it is the first known case in the wasteland where the argument did not end in gunfire.

Arianna Flint, a Vista Trustee was discussing the law that prohibits selling faction armor sets to other vista players.  A local resident by the name of Rekas disagreed with Ms. Flint and proceeded to argue his reasoning why only armorcrafters should be able to wear faction armor set.

An Argument ( Artist's Rendition)

With normal wasteland fashion, the argument quickly turned sour with both participants getting more and more belligerent.  Bystanders were expecting The Ominous Security Guards to come by and shoot the participants for breaking the message board rules of conduct.

An incident  was still fresh in the minds of the citizens of Traders Flat when last week a Guard shot and killed a popular participant at the message bulletin board unprovoked.  The residents of Traders Flat were preparing for a bloodbath. Food Vendors saw a 61% increase in sales during these arguments.

To the surprise of the bystanders and disappointment of the moderating guards, the argument ended as abruptly as it stopped.  Ms. Flint and Mr. Rekas acknowledged each others differences in opinion and that they were not going to budge.  Both participants wished each other well and walked off toward different parts of town.

Pippa Rydell, a wasteland sociologist, spoke with WLN about this first incident of its kind. “Normally in the wasteland people only hold onto their persona’s and weapons.  So when a difference in ideas arises the first reaction is to exert personal superiority.  If that doesn’t work then normally you cap the fucker in his face.”

-Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/01/19 at 2:23 pm  Comments (1)