Epic Blood Sport Battle Finished. Mushrooms win.

(TRADERS FLAT, KAIBAB FOREST)-  The stage was set for an epic battle vs a V8 Interceptor and Concrete Mushrooms today.  The battle was an upset with the mushrooms stopping the interceptor cold in it’s tracks within the first 5 seconds of this fight.

Record KO

We are sad to report the Interceptor was pronounced totaled at the scene.

– Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/07 at 10:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

BANKERS Confirm First Blood Sports Battle Lineup

(TRADERS FLAT, KAIBAB FOREST)-  The Bankers will unveil their new “Blood Sports” on Friday with a fight that is gathering more attention than the prize fighting sport itself.

“Our goal was to kick off the start of the Blood Sports season with a fight that would go down in history,” Banker President Sandoval told WLN.  “We worked for months on putting this fight together and we finally are announcing that the first battle in Blood Sports history will be Concrete Mushrooms vs. a V8 Interceptor Speedster.”

Mushroom vs. Interceptor

The rivalry between V8 Interceptors and Concrete Mushrooms started once the immobile fungi appeared late last year in the Kaibab Forest.  Many Interceptors were totaled when driving full speed into these patches of mushrooms.  Drivers were unaware of the new dangers.  Other mushroom species let any vehicle or mount pass over. This new breed of fungi, solid as steel, would halt the vehicles in their tracks and cause untold damage and injury.

Arianna Flint, head of the Vista Enrichment Foundation, supports this fight.

“Normally I would be against such a slap to the face of Mother Nature and call the Bankers whores to the Tech agenda.  But seriously, fuck those mushrooms.  Even my horse got hurt by running into those mushrooms.  What the hell are those things made of?” said Mrs. Flint.

People from all factions around the wasteland are rooting for the Interceptor.

“Those damn mushroomed wrecked my car and I was almost late to my GrahamsList ‘casual encounter’,” said Edbert, a wasteland wanderer. “Those fungi almost put our alliance in jeopardy.”

A team of Tech master engineers, funded by massive donations, have been working around the clock preparing the Interceptor to fight the mushrooms on Friday.  Bull Dog, the head of the team was enthusiastic about the fight.

“What we have learned in our studies is a normal Interceptor suffers a catastrophic structural failure along with a 68-70% systems failure about .24 seconds after impact,” noted Mr. Dog. ”We are still working on why the Interceptor fails but we are theorizing that this happens because the mushroom is “harder” than the interceptor.  Our findings are not final yet. “

“So far we have used an ancient device called ‘duct tape’ to reinforce the bow of the Interceptor.  We have also attached flame stickers on the sides of the car for increased velocity” said The Sack, another engineer. “We are 120% confident the Interceptor will dominate this battle.”

The Bankers report to WLN that the wagers are coming in record numbers. Support is overwhelmingly in favor of the Interceptor winning in the second round.  The Bankers are not releasing the chip figures but wasteland economists speculate the Bankers have received between 50-60 Yellow chips.

“I wish we would have gotten into this prize fighting game earlier. Sure beats the hell out of those slot machines,” remarked President Sandoval.

We here at Wasteland News will cover the results of the fight Friday.

-Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/05 at 1:47 am  Leave a Comment  
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Rufio Mendoza’s Thanksgiving Radio Spectacular!

Hey Wasteland!

Don’t forget to tune into PostApocRadio.com  during thanksgiving to listen to DJ Mendoza’s Thanksgiving Spectacular!

We will be broadcasting off site so contact us through our Wasteland News mail to request songs.

-Rufio Mendoza

Published in: on 2009/11/24 at 4:09 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Report: Note intercepted, Feelings Hurt

(PARK CITY, KAIBAB FOREST)-  Head of the Park City Parks and Recreation Department (PCPRD), Gonazz, has reportedly had his feelings hurt after a note was intercepted while teaching a classroom session about the importance of  keeping the park free of boar droppings.

An Embarrassed PCPRD Member

Around 9:15am local time a “Janitorial Technician” of the PCPRD, Ashal, was in the class and reportedly attempted to pass a note to a fellow classmate Cyn.  Gonazz. The instructor for the class session saw the note being passed and asked Cyn to come up to the front of the class and read it.  The class was not ready for what happened next.

Cyn first denied requests for her to read the note.  Under threat of demerits under the ranger doctrine she complied with Gonazz’s requests.  WLN obtained the note from Gonazz’s wastepaper basket.  The note read:

“ HI CYN!  OMG this class is soooooooooooo boring.  Like totally shoot me in the head and take my lifenet collar off!  God, Gonazz is so boring teaching this class. I’ve just been staring at his nasty ear hair.  Ugh, his nose is so bulbous (EW), it looks like a prairie chicken fetus sleeping on his face! LOL!  I bet even a SOF wouldn’t sleep with him!    BTW LETO WRIGHT IS SOOOOO HOT! OMG! I WANT HIM!      -ASHAL <3”

FOE

According to eyewitness reports, After this note was read the class allegedly erupted in laughter.  Gonazz then ran out of the class room covering his face with his hands.  No witnesses reported how Mr. Wright reacted to this reading however Ashal stated she was “totally embarrassed” and could “totally die”.

WLN’s calls to the Gonazz household were successful but WLN was never able to speak to him directly.  An unnamed man on the phone told WLN that the PCPRD Head had “his feelings hurt” and “never wants to go to class again”.

Political Scientists from all over the wasteland are analyzing this event very carefully.  Some researchers think that this may be a turning point for civilization as a whole.

“People are now becoming more questioning of authority and improving lines of communication,” said Professor Maggotface of the Traveler Historical Society. “If this trend spreads across the wasteland we will be back to a pre-fall civilization within 30 years.”

However other experts think this is a sign of society’s moral weakening.

“This hereby proves that humanity has reached a new low when people would rather socialize and gossip rather than learn about the importance of boar fecal removal techniques,” said the Founder of Vista Fecal Center Zero Gravity S.E.

PCPRD watchers are looking at this situation very closely.  It is reported that the emotionally assaulted Gonazz has been seen less in public and Ashal has been seen leading more of the PCPRD crew in their beautification efforts around Park City. PCPRD watchers are speculating that Ashal may have asserted her dominance over the classroom instructor and has moved up in the hierarchy.

“This is a clear show of a transition of power within the PCPRD,” stated an article published by local periodical Wasteland Parks and Recreation Monthly. “We may see more of a ‘zero tolerance’ policy regarding loiterers and trespassers in Park City.”

Regardless of all the speculation, all eyes of the wasteland are watching these events closely to see how they unfold.

-Rufio Mendoza

Published in: on 2009/11/05 at 4:16 pm  Comments (5)  
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