BANKERS Confirm First Blood Sports Battle Lineup

(TRADERS FLAT, KAIBAB FOREST)-  The Bankers will unveil their new “Blood Sports” on Friday with a fight that is gathering more attention than the prize fighting sport itself.

“Our goal was to kick off the start of the Blood Sports season with a fight that would go down in history,” Banker President Sandoval told WLN.  “We worked for months on putting this fight together and we finally are announcing that the first battle in Blood Sports history will be Concrete Mushrooms vs. a V8 Interceptor Speedster.”

Mushroom vs. Interceptor

The rivalry between V8 Interceptors and Concrete Mushrooms started once the immobile fungi appeared late last year in the Kaibab Forest.  Many Interceptors were totaled when driving full speed into these patches of mushrooms.  Drivers were unaware of the new dangers.  Other mushroom species let any vehicle or mount pass over. This new breed of fungi, solid as steel, would halt the vehicles in their tracks and cause untold damage and injury.

Arianna Flint, head of the Vista Enrichment Foundation, supports this fight.

“Normally I would be against such a slap to the face of Mother Nature and call the Bankers whores to the Tech agenda.  But seriously, fuck those mushrooms.  Even my horse got hurt by running into those mushrooms.  What the hell are those things made of?” said Mrs. Flint.

People from all factions around the wasteland are rooting for the Interceptor.

“Those damn mushroomed wrecked my car and I was almost late to my GrahamsList ‘casual encounter’,” said Edbert, a wasteland wanderer. “Those fungi almost put our alliance in jeopardy.”

A team of Tech master engineers, funded by massive donations, have been working around the clock preparing the Interceptor to fight the mushrooms on Friday.  Bull Dog, the head of the team was enthusiastic about the fight.

“What we have learned in our studies is a normal Interceptor suffers a catastrophic structural failure along with a 68-70% systems failure about .24 seconds after impact,” noted Mr. Dog. ”We are still working on why the Interceptor fails but we are theorizing that this happens because the mushroom is “harder” than the interceptor.  Our findings are not final yet. “

“So far we have used an ancient device called ‘duct tape’ to reinforce the bow of the Interceptor.  We have also attached flame stickers on the sides of the car for increased velocity” said The Sack, another engineer. “We are 120% confident the Interceptor will dominate this battle.”

The Bankers report to WLN that the wagers are coming in record numbers. Support is overwhelmingly in favor of the Interceptor winning in the second round.  The Bankers are not releasing the chip figures but wasteland economists speculate the Bankers have received between 50-60 Yellow chips.

“I wish we would have gotten into this prize fighting game earlier. Sure beats the hell out of those slot machines,” remarked President Sandoval.

We here at Wasteland News will cover the results of the fight Friday.

-Justice Mendoza

Published in: on 2010/05/05 at 1:47 am  Leave a Comment  
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