Battle Report Park City: Parks and Recreation vs Drum Circle… vs Prairie Chickens?

(PARK CITY, KAIBAB FOREST)-  A conflict between Vista squatters and the Park City Parks and Recreation Department ends when prairie chickens invaded the city.

The band of prairie chickens nested in the town when all the security forces in town responded to reports of Vista drum circle activity south of the town.  Around 9pm local time a security team from the city was dispatched to a camp.

Park City Parks and Recreation Dept.  (PCPRD)

Park City Parks and Recreation Dept. (PCPRD)

“We had reports from Mr. and Mrs. Jenson, the elderly couple who live in the house on the outskirts of Park City that there was a Vista drum circle with drugs being consumed,” said Cyn, the Park City Parks and Recreation Janitor.  We drove up to the Vista camp site and found it empty.  However, we did find a few roaches, some drums, a bag of marijuana and a pirated copy of ‘Magnus and Kriegern go to Waffle Castle’.”

Two WLN embedded journalists were with the Vistas in Park City covering a music festival in the works.  The following are their first-hand accounts of what happened next.

Embedded Senior Correspondent Alex Siger told WLN, “We rode away from the camp once we heard that the fuzz were coming to bust our party.  We decided to head to the gas station south of town to pick up some Funions and Doritos but the Park City Security were already waiting for us there.  We exchanged gunfire with them and rode off again once ‘The Dead’ started playing over Post-Apoc Radio.

Editor-In-Chief Rufio Mendoza reported, “Once ‘Sugar Magnolia’ started playing on the radio we fell back to a defensive position after one of the Vistas, Jolt, informed us he still had a full ounce of chronic.  There were like eight or nine of us so we would get totally blazed, listen to the Grateful Dead and watch ‘Magnus and Kriegern go to Waffle Castle’.”

Gonazz, the Commander of the Park City Parks and Recreation Security Division said this in his official report, “After eliminating some of the drug squatters from one of the camps, we set up an ambush for them at the gas station knowing they would come here seeking frozen pizzas and Mountain Dew.  After a brief skirmish we tended to our wounded and captured an unarmed Vista woman who was alone and spinning in a circle in the grass, barefoot, trying to put flowers in our rocket launchers.  After offering her a bag of pot we found she revealed where the Vistas retreated to.”

The Vista Drum Circle

The Vista Drum Circle

The Commander ordered all Parks and Recreation personnel to get ready to crash the “totally awesome” Vista party, leaving the town defenseless.  The Vistas saw the attack coming and prepared a defense.  The first shot was fired by a Vista when the security team informed the Vistas that they were in possession of Vista’s only copy of “Magnus and Kriegern go to Waffle Castle”.

“The fighting started and it was like hell on earth.  Then we saw a whole flock of prairie chickens behind the security team running into Park City,” said WLN Senior Correspondent Alex Sigler. “Then Jolt made a comment along the lines of ‘Hey look, fast food’.  For some reason all of us collapsed, lost control and started laughing uncontrollably. Next thing we knew we woke up in a LifeNet pod, it was all over.”

“We saw smoke coming from the Vista defensive positions then followed by them collapsing looking like they were in agony.  We think perhaps they had a nerve agent that accidentally detonated behind their lines,” said Gonazz. “We quickly took advantage of this and sent the Vistas to a LifeNet pod.”

“Unfortunately, with our hands being tied by the Vistas now the town is being held by a flock of rogue prairie chickens.  All efforts to contact them have been in vain and ordinance #441b prohibits any Parks and Recreation personnel from harming park creatures.  We are pretty much at a loss on what to do,” said Commander Gonazz.

When the Vistas were asked to comment, the general consensus was , “bummer dude”.

WLN’s calls to the prairie chicken alpha have not been returned.

The Vistas plan to set up their drum circle in Haietta and watch “Magnus and Kriegern Escape From Fracture” next week.

-WLN War Corespondent Team

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Published in: on 2009/10/26 at 6:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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