(BLAINE, NORTHFIELDS) – Banker Faction investors have been rattled today after the Bankers released their third quarter reports showing a massive quarterly loss. Calls for an investigation have been launched into why the normally profitable Bankers have shown such a loss after evidence was revealed of misappropriated banking funds.
According to a leaked photos found on a LifeNet social networking site, The Bankers held a large “Forced Retirement” party for their unpopular late Vice President Thorpe who was killed by a LifeNet clone earlier last week in his office in Blaine. The Who ’s Who of the wasteland and all Banker VIPs were invited.
“It was so [expletive] awesome! We turned the water storage system for Blaine into a big hot tub!” said a Banker party goer. “First I get this toaster and then an extra bank vault and now this? That is what I call good customer relations.”
The alleged hot tub was “totally like half of the protected area in the center of Blaine” according to eyewitness reports. WLN was told that at one point the Bankers were allegedly “dousin’ bitches in the hot tub” with bottles of toilet tank gin.
“The Bankers had like a totally full open bar. I’ve never seen so many pansy wine-coolers in my entire life!” said Vista Officer and WLN staff member Alex Sigler.
The Banker Alpha guards stationed around the party were specifically told not to let in spazzes, nerds, dorks, losers, creepers, fat girls and those douches from the Delta house because they don’t know how to party.
This party is estimated to have cost about 500,000 chips and have left some investors feeling cheated and unpopular. A prominent Traveler trading organization is threatening to go to all out war with the Bankers if their investments are not accounted for in full.
“If we do not recover our scrap wood and copper along with all the second-hand armors in our vaults, we will raze Blaine and make the Bankers pay in blood,” said a Traveler merchant.
In response, an intoxicated Banker representative said, “Oh no! The Travelers! We are so [expletive] scared. We are the [expletive] Bankers! We run the [expletive] wasteland you greasy hobo salesmen.”
An Enforcer general who was turned away from the party agreed to speak with WLN if we just used his initials, MN, for privacy concerns. MN, also a Banker VIP, said that he was turned away by the party guards because MN and his men were all “uptight buzkills”.
“My soldiers and I are all Banker VIP customers and have millions of chips worth of goods stored in those bank vaults. It is an insult that my Enforcers and I could not partake in this jubilation,” said MN tearfully.
Calls for action against the Bankers have been widespread across the wasteland. Experts are not sure what actions, if any, can be taken against the Bankers. No regulatory body exists that can keep them in check
“They are all just jealous because they didn’t get invited to the most rad party of the decade,” said the Banker President Sandoval.