Tech to Enforcer Bully: My Older Brother Will Beat You Up.

(CHEMTOWN, KAIBAB FOREST) –  Tensions rose today when young Jeg “Jeggy” Weitz, 10, was bullied for the third time this week at school by Enforcer Roscoe Kreigman, 12.  Weitz reportedly informed Kreigman that Weitz’s older brother would beat Kreigman up, sending hushed shockwaves throughout the school.

Alex Masters Center for Beginning Education

Alec Masters Center for Beginning Education

Weitz has become accustomed to regular harassment from Kreigman, two years his senior at the Alec Masters Center for Beginning Education.  According to a source close to Weitz, Jeg has been subject to various forms of bullying including: sonic swirlies, wedgies, tittie twisters, mutant burns, chupa chops, judge joints, CoG flogs and regular teasing.  However, something was different about the confrontation between Weitz and Kreigman, witnesses described to WLN.  After Kreigman reportedly gave Weitz a “mutie burn” Weitz yelled to his assailant as he was walking away, “My older brother will beat you up!”

Zero Weitz, 14, is the elder Weitz brother and is reported to be well known at the Alec Masters Center for Beginning Education.  Zero is known by some of his peers as “badass”, “a rebel”, and “a renegade.”

“Roscoe is so getting his butt kicked by Zero,” according to a note passed during Mr. Swift’s class obtained by WLN.

“My friend Andy Wolfern told me that he saw Zero take his dad’s dune buggy out to a CHOTA camp and like killed 100 of them with Jeggy’s Platmaster 3000 he got,” said an unnamed source from Mr. Brennan’s class at lunch.

During recess, WLN reporters sat down with students on the see-saw and talked about the escalation in the Weitz-Kreigman conflict.  The general consensus is that the Enforcer child will get “his face pounded in and cry like a baby.”  Of the students, 76% of those interviewed supported the idea of Jeg kicking sand in Kreigman face when he is on the ground.

“Most of us are tired of being bullied and beaten up by Roscoe,” said a Martha Schlomowitz, a bus driver for the school.

Calls to both the Weitz Brothers and Roscoe Kreigman were not returned.  However, WLN received a mail from Roscoe’s Father, Mag Kreigman.

In the mail Mag just described the situation as “Typical persacutions (sic)  of the Enforcer minority in the wasteland.”

The time and location of the face-off is not yet known.  Sources from the Teacher’s Lounge predict it will be this Friday afterschool by the flagpole.

-Rufio Mendoza

Published in: on 2009/10/16 at 1:48 am  Leave a Comment  
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