Enforcer Attempts to Kill Self During “Wheel Grind”

(FRACTURE, NORTHFIELDS) –  An Enforcer is in serious condition after a suicide attempt this morning by jumping off the rollercoaster in the CHOTA city of Fracture, according to witnesses.

The Enforcer, 24, was last seen by his Squad leaving a Tech camp headed to work for the Travelers late yesterday to “Grind the Wheel”.

“The ‘Wheel Grind’ is a practice for some of the younger wastelanders who enter sector two,” told Dr. Irena Dupree of the Vista Psychological clinic.  “Doing so allows wastelanders to gain more experience and skills from all other factions before settling on their final faction. However, this required a lot of time getting other factions to trust you.  This will also turn old friends into enemies.”

CHOTA officials in Fracture told WLN that their guards spotted what seemed to be a CHOTA man wearing enforcer armor climbing to the top of “Silly Sally” rollercoaster around 8:00am and then started to shout inconceivably.

The "Silly Sally" in Fracture

The "Silly Sally" in Fracture

“Then the man in question pulled out an Enforcer sidearm and tried to shoot himself,” said CHOTA security officer Grot Master. “He shouted that he forgot to load his gun so then he tried jumping to his death.  Luckily we had our inflatable bouncy castle we use for our recruitment icebreakers/taco nights right underneath him.”  The Enforcer bounced off the castle and landed 15 feet away on the refreshment table, suffering a broken leg.

“That [expletive] ruined my [expletive] spinach quiche.  I spent hours working on that!” said Softclaw, a CHOTA warrior.

Allegedly, the Enforcer was distraught over becoming friendly with the CHOTA and hated by the Enforcers during his “Wheel Grind”.  However the Enforcer is now able to now use the powerful level zero thermal and primal mutations.

“He always viewed the CHOTA as barbaric scum with no fashion sense.  I guess once he temporarily became one of the CHOTA it set him over the edge,” said a member of his Squad. “Some people can ‘Grind the Wheel’ and some cant.  What can I say? He knew that he’d be working for CHOTA and Vistas.”

The Enforcer’s commanding officer could not be reached for comment.

“Some Enforcers just take their zealous military obsession too far,” Said a bystander.

The incident did not draw much attention in the city due to it was CHOTA’s “Pretend to Kill Yourself by Jumping off the Rollercoaster onto the Inflatable Bouncy Castle” day.

-Rufio Mendoza

Published in: on 2009/10/15 at 1:16 pm  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. The Spinach Quiche line cracked me up,
    quality stuff.

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